a.k.a.
Meeting Beth
I first met Beth when I was fifteen. I was a sophomore in high school, she was a senior. I was walking with my friend Rhett during a break at school when he was hailed by two girls. He introduced them to me as Natalie, his sister, and Beth, practically his sister. They spoke for a few minutes, and then the two went on their way. I asked Rhett what he meant, and he explained that his dad was engaged to Beth's mom, and Beth and her mom lived at Rhett's family's house. Oh. I don't really remember much of what she looked like then.
I didn't see her again until two summers later. Rhett's back yard had a lower level, containing a pool and a cabana, which had been unused in several years and so was seriously overgrown and in need of cleaning. Rhett's dad, Larry, organized a work party for the kids and their friends. Rhett and I and several others began clearing the place of plant growth, and about an hour later Beth and Natalie and their college friends showed up to help move a bunch of boards and that sort of thing. While I don't really remember much of her from that encounter, she does remember me. After the work party, Larry arranged a big dinner, and Beth cooked some of her famous one-pound hamburgers. Now, Rhett's family is full of big people, and yet Rhett could only finish one of them. Rhett's brother Rob, a football star in high school, barely managed two. However, I, the skinny hyperactive kid that I was, polished off three of them along with some soda. Still feeling hungry, and yet feeling full, I decided to run up and down the stairs a few times to kick my metabolism into high gear. We're talking about four flights of stairs, here. Well, I managed to do this without puking, and ate a fourth hamburger. That is what stood out in Beth's mind from that meeting.
Rhett and I graduated from high school. Lacking a job (fast food ... blech!) and waiting to go to college, I hung around at Rhett's a lot and played role-playing games and pool. It was during one of these visits that I met Beth again. It was a warm day in the middle of a southern California summer. Beth was wearing black jeans and a tight red tank top. She was tall, fair of skin, with wild red-brown hair and catlike eyes of green, gold, and gray. She was beautiful. She was practicing pool when I walked downstairs to the game room. I stopped and said hi. She asked who I was, and I told her my name. She said she remembered me. I don't remember much of what she said, I was simply pleased to be so close to such a pretty girl (girl? Hell, she was 20 and I was 17; I was dumbstruck). She leaned forward to take another shot. Now, Beth is hardly what you would call well-endowed, and so on this hot day she was ... ah, unrestrained by conventional support gear. Thus, her position afforded me a rather nice view of her endowments. They were quite nice, actually. Stupid innocent fool that I was, I asked her to stand up.
"Why?"
"Because when you lean forward like that, I can see down your shirt."
"Oh." She stood up and smiled. She must have been thinking, "This guy isn't such a jerk." All the more reason to remember me. Not like I planned this.
A First Kiss
Now and then we ran into each other during the summer, always on a 'hello' basis. School started, and she, Natalie, and I went to the nearby community college. Rhett went to the local real college. Beth and I started spending more and more time together, and she finally invited me along to a speech event she was judging for. See, she was on the forensics team at school, and her coach was a friend of a speech teacher at a nearby high school; her coach asked her to judge a local school forensics event, and Beth didn't want to be alone and bored during the breaks. So, I came along, so we could be together and bored. Well, during the intermission, she and I walked around the school, stopping to talk on a nearby grassy field. Suddenly, she got this look in her eye, and stepped toward me. Like a frightened deer, I froze. She kissed me. I managed to un-freeze long enough to kiss back and enjoy it. That was our first kiss ... in the middle of a grassy field in a high school whose name I can't remember in a city whose name I can't remember.
So, it seemed that we were going out. However, one hurdle remained - meeting my friends (Beth's best friend was Natalie - in fact, the two of them were the reason that their parents ended up getting together). Sure, she had met them when they all came over to Rhett's to play role-playing games, but she had never really had to socialize with them. She and I and the rest of them were going to go to a local haunted house on Halloween, but she and I backed out the day before (we actually wanted to take advantage of the fact that my parents were gone and we could fool around). Well, my wonderful friends decided to stop by just before going to the haunted house, just in case she and I had changed our mind (I think we used some lame excuse like homework). Well, that night they got the impression that Beth didn't like them, but it was only because she was distracted ... they had literally caught her with her pants down. My friends departed, leaving the two of us to our homework.
That night was the night I found out about Beth's multiple personalities.
The "Family"
After a time of being alone together, Beth fell asleep. Much to my surprise, she woke up a few minutes later with a totally different attitude. In the dark, I could hardly see her, but I could tell something was different.
"So," she said, "who are you?"
"Uh, I'm Sean. What do you mean?"
"Huh. I'm not very impressed."
"Beth, what the hell is going on?"
"I'm not Beth."
"Oh? So who are you?"
"I'm Ellie. Where hell are my clothes?"
I was seriously confused. I tried to explain and understand at the same time. Finally, Ellie said she had to go, and fell back asleep. Beth woke up, and I questioned her.
"Who is Ellie?"
"Who?"
"You fell asleep, and then someone named Ellie woke up and talked to me."
"Hmmm, I must have been dreaming."
"Oh."
She fell back asleep. Surprise, surprise, my carnival of fun was not yet over. Beth woke up again, but this time she was very different. First of all, she spoke like a five-year-old. Second of all, she acted like a five-year-old.
"Hi!"
"Who are you? You're not Ellie, are you?"
"No, I'm Jessica."
"Where is Ellie?"
"She's talking to mommy."
"WHO?"
"Beth is my mommy. You're Sean, right? She likes you. Hey, where are my clothes?"
"Um, Beth took them off."
"Oh, okay. Well, I'm going to go now. It was nice talking to you. Bye!" And bonk! She fell asleep. Beth woke up again.
"All right, who is Jessica?"
"What?"
"I've spoken to a teenager named Ellie, and a little girl named Jessica. What the hell is going on?"
"Oh, dear. This shouldn't be happening."
Beth says she thought this went away, and then she fell asleep again, apparently to have some sort of internal dialogue. Surprisingly, another personality took over. This one was a thirteen-year-old boy, who didn't have a name. As it turns out, this one happened to be good at math and hard science, while the rest of her personalities weren't. As such, he was sidelined, and never really came to the "surface." He basically sat around and was really bored all the time. He was only out now because the body needed to be awake, and the others were all busy. I decided to name him.
The Naming of Peas And Carrots
There was one forensics/speech performance in which many of the characters were listening to a soapbox-speaker, and the crowd had to walk away, grumbling. One of the other players couldn't think of anything to grumble, so he said, "peas and carrots, peas and carrots" under his breath, and it worked. As this particular personality of Beth's never stood out on his own, and pretty much blended in with the others, I thought it was an appropriate name, and so did he, and so he was dubbed Peas And Carrots, or P&C for short.
A Talk With Peas & Carrots
P&C managed to give me some sort of explanation. It seems that Ellie was Beth's original personality, which split at about age five into "Beth," "Ellie," and "Jessica." Beth and Ellie continued to age, while Jessica stayed five. Jessica soon developed a twin brother, "Damian." At age thirteen, Ellie (who was still the dominant personality) ran into Natalie (literally - she was chasing some guy, and Natalie was being chased by some other guy). The two became friends, and Ellie decided to allow Beth to take over; Beth's other personalities stopped manifesting, and Ellie stopped aging. Beth had been in charge ever since, with no episodes of the other members of the "family" coming out until this night.
P&C finally submerged, and Beth woke up again. She explained that the others had decided that while they were a little nervous about someone "outside" knowing, they were going to give it a shot. Ellie was rather against it, but Jessica and Damian were strongly in favor - it seems they had been wanting a "daddy" for mommy for a while now. If I hadn't been 17 and madly in love for the first time, I probably would have seen that as a sign and left quickly. However, if I hadn't been 17 and madly in love for the first time, I would have realized that a girlfriend with multiple personalities was also a sign and left quickly.
Living With "The Family"
Having four other personalities living in the body of your girlfriend was definitely an odd experience. None of our friends knew about them, and so when one of them was talking, I had to be careful about which name I used, or how I referred to that person. Plus, Ellie, always being the dissenter, wasn't totally sure that me knowing about everyone was a good idea. In fact, one night (after a long session of Dungeons & Dragons with my friends), I crashed in the downstairs room at Rhett/Natalie/Beth's house instead of driving home. Well, Ellie decided that she was going to smother me to death in my sleep. Fortunately (for me, at least), Jessica managed to keep her from doing it.
Eventually, Beth told our good friend Darlene (Dar) about the others, and our friend Tim, too. They were both very supportive, and it helped me a lot to be able to talk to other people about the situation. The fact that Tim knew about her personalities caused some problems later on, although I'm not sure how much different things would have been if he hadn't known.
Ellie did have one flashback while I knew her. She went back to when she was five, and was still being abused by her mother's fiance. She, Tim, and I were all over at my house; she didn't perceive the room as it actually was, she saw it as the cabin she was in when she was five. She also couldn't perceive Tim at all. She could see me ... she thought I was Jack, the man who had ben abusing her. Fortunately, after talking to her for about twenty minutes (in which I tried to show that I wasn't going to hurt her), she decided that she was confused and tired, and wanted to sleep. I gave her a blanket and pillow, which also surprised her; Jack made her sleep on the floor, without blankets or a pillow. She fell asleep, stayed that way for a few minutes, and then woke up as Beth. Beth didn't remember what happened, but Ellie did; I think that's when she started becoming less suspicious of me.
Somewhere in this time period, we decided to tell Rhett (Beth's stepbrother, my best friend) about Beth's alternates. He accepted it as it was; he's a pretty solid guy. We also told Dar's husband, Ron, who accepted it with the typical Texas shrug.
Courtney
When Beth and I had started dating, both of us were actually virgins. Eventually, our relationship reached a sexual stage, and for people with alternate personalities, sexual intimacy is often a trigger for the creation of a new alternate. So, one day in early March, Beth wakes up from a nap, and looks at me funny. Realizing that it's not Beth controlling the body, I started asking questions.
"Who are you?" She shook her head.
"Jessica? Ellie? Peas And Carrots?" She shook her head for all three.
"Are ... are you new?" She nodded.
"Do you have a name?"
"No, I don't." Oddly enough, she sounded British.
"Would you like me to give you a name?"
"Yes, I would like that very much." Again, the British accent.
So, I thought a bit. As it turns out, I had been collecting a comic book line by Marvel Comics called X-Calibur. The leader of the team is Captain Britain (a.k.a. Brian Braddock), and his secondary love interest was a powerful English businesswoman, who also happened to be blonde and phenomenally gorgeous. Her name was Courtney, and it seemed appropriate for this new personality. I suggested it, and she loved it. By the way, the Courtney-personality probably had an accent because her family had travelled to England the previous summer, and that must have influenced her at some level.
I soon learned that the Courtney personality was Beth's alternate made to deal with her sexual side. Thus, Courtney was a 17-year-old blonde (!) frisky vixen with a "Let's make sure this body's equipment works" sort of attitude. Unfortunately for her, I would have nothing to do with her, as far as intimate matters were concerned; to me, I was dating Beth, and even if they shared the same body, I would feel disloyal for being with Courtney in that way. She kept trying, and I kept refusing. She even got really good at disguising her accent. It still didn't work. So, Courtney began looking for other targets. She tried fooling around with Peas & Carrots, but that wasn't "real," and so she looked outward.
Tim
My aforementioned friend Tim was one year ahead of me in high school, and we went to the same school. We knew each other, but only vaguely ... he was dating a friend of mine from my year. Thus, we had Rhett and myself in our year of school, Tim one year ahead of us, and Beth one year ahead of him. I'm not sure how Tim knew Beth in high school, but he apparently knew her enough to have a crush on her. However, once she graduated, he was no longer able to find her. It was only after I introduced Beth to my group of friends (of which Tim was one) that they met again.
For a while, our group was really into passing notes while we played role-playing games. If you had something secret to say to another player or the referee, you'd pass them a note, such as, "I think Rob stole my magic ring," or "I bribe the bartender to put extra whiskey in Hank's drink." Well, at some point during one of our games, Courtney took control and passed a suggestive note to Tim. He thought it was meant in jest, and he sent one back. And so on, and so on ... until he realized that they were both serious. However, he thought it was Beth, not Courtney, that was passing the notes. Courtney, unable to get anywhere with me, had decided to go for an easier target - Tim, who already had an interest in Beth, and might not know her well enough to note the difference between Beth and Courtney.
Rendezvous
Eventually, of course, the two of them planned a meeting. Courtney made sure Beth was asleep, and then went over to Tim's house. Beth only found out later. She didn't want to tell me, but Dar insisted that I should know. When I found out, I told Rhett, and we went over to Tim's house to beat him up for being such a jerk by fooling around with his best friend's girlfriend. However, Tim was so pathetic when we got there (he wouldn't even get up out of his mopey-chair) that we just couldn't do it. He explained that he thought it was Beth, blah, blah, and we basically lectured his ass off, and told him that if he ever did it again, he'd lose us as friends. We then left.
Meanwhile, Beth was trying to figure out what to do. It was basically all of the personalities against Courtney, for they had finally found some stability amongst themselves and the outside world (they had a network of people who understood their nature and were concerned about them) and Courtney's actions endangered that. Courtney taunted them, and suggested that they look really closely at Jessica and Damian, for she had been trying to get them to "play," too. Well, that set Ellie off, and the others decided to gang up on and destroy the Courtney personality (since Ellie, Beth, and Jessica were the strongest, and all three were against her, there was no way Courtney could stop them). So, they put Courtney in some sort of mental/metal box and were about to incinerate it. Peas And Carrots said that he would go with Courtney, just so she wouldn't be alone. The others let him do this, and then they destroyed the box. I have not heard or seen any manifestations of either of them since that time.
Aftermath
One would think that that would be the end of the situation, but that wasn't the case. Apparently, in destroying Courtney, Beth took on some of her aspects, and so now she was intrigued by Tim. Or perhaps she was always intrigued by Tim, and she merely used Courtney as a tool for this. In any case, while the main part of our group of friends settled down (with the exception of a wary eye being pointed at Tim now and then), Beth started to spend more and more time with Tim. She and I started to fight more often. Eventually, in October (almost exactly a year after we started going out), we broke up. She started dating Tim almost immediately after. I could deal with that ... sort of. Actually, it really angered me, but I was only 18, and I didn't really have a good outlet for my anger at the time.
Finally, I started to get a grip on myself. The Christmas season approached, and I got everyone some presents. Well, Beth didn't even acknowledge that I gave her one. So, when we were all sitting downstairs on New Years' Eve, and she walked downstairs, I stupidly opened my mouth.
"You still owe me a thank-you for your present." (great choice of words, eh?)
She frowned, stormed upstairs, stormed back downstairs, and dropped it in my lap (it was some Disney tape, I think). "You can keep it."
I dropped it, and headed upstairs, planning on leaving. Dar followed and stopped me. She convinced me to talk to Beth, and vice versa. Well, in short, Beth and I got in a horrible fight, and I ended up leaving anyway. Everyone listened to her side of the story (and didn't even bother to ask me, mind you), and decided to take her side. I was basically ostracized by my friends. They wouldn't talk to me.
Actually, that's not true. Rhett stuck by me, as he listened to what I had to say, and he had known me longer than he had known Beth. My other friend Douglas (who wasn't involved in this "blackball" situation, but was asked by them to tell me of their decision) took my side, as he never really liked Beth in the first place, and even less so after the Tim incident. But for the most part, all but two of my entire circle of friends deserted me and left me alone. It really sucked.
The Real Aftermath
A couple of months passed. Tim realized that if she cheated on me to be with him, then she'd possibly cheat on him to be with other people. Natalie confirmed this - Beth was often seen with several different men on campus (by this time, Natalie and Beth had finally moved on to a 4-year university). Beth became an expert liar - I still wonder how she could keep them all straight. She would even lie about things that she didn't need to lie about, like forgetting to put gas in the gas tank. She was good ... she had an explanation for everything, and they were all so believable.
Tim got fed up with the lies and the other men, and dumped her. The day after he did so, I went to talk to him. My thought was that we were friends before she came into the picture, and that maybe we could be friends again now that she was out of both of our lives. As it turns out, I was right - we were able to be friends again, and remain so today. While he and I now live in different states, we do talk now and then, and I flew out to be the best man at his wedding.
Beth eventually moved out of her parents' house and into Ron and Dar's apartment. Well, Ron and Dar had been having some marital problems, and one of those problems was Ron's roving penis. Eventually, Ron and Beth started having an affair, right there in their apartment. Dar and Ron got divorced soon after, and Dar moved to another state.
The last I heard, Beth still had active alternates. Jessica and Damian had aged/matured to about age 10. Ellie was around, but not as often. Beth also retained her fondness for infidelity (or promiscuity, as the case may be). Apparently, she is seeing Ron (and she's waiting for him to ask her to marry him), some other guy (who wants to marry her, but not the other way around), and a completely different guy (who she's using just for sex). Also, she has at least one incredibly gorgeous friend that is in a similar situation - she is dating four different guys, they all know it, and one of the guys that she's dating is the guy that Beth is using just for sex.
I hope they know how to use condoms.
Changes In Me
While much of my relationship with Beth was negative (especially toward the end), I did feel a lot of love and enjoyed much of our time together. But, most importantly, I learned a lot about myself, and other people, and what kind of person I wanted to be.
First, I wanted the sanctity of a relationship with another person to be paramount. When my best friend betrayed me with my girlfriend, and vice versa, it hurt me so much that I couldn't even breathe. I never wanted to make anyone feel like that, ever. So, when I am in a relationship, I try to make it clear that I am with someone, and not "on the market," as it were. I rebuff any attempts to get between myself and my significant other. Likewise, I greatly respect people in relationships, whether simply boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife - and as soon as I find out that someone is with someone, I back off, no matter how interested I may be in that person. To me, being in a relationship is like a gigantic "OFF LIMITS" sign.
Second, I hate lies. I try at all times to tell the truth, and especially so to the people I care about. I try to avoid situations where I have to use untruths; for instance, I remain as unaware as possible regarding office gossip. This policy of truth has led to something that I am trying to do more and more - let the important people in my life know that I value them, and appreciate the time that I get to spend with them. This applies to friends, family, and romantic interests. Life is short, and weird things happen (my life is living proof), so make sure that the people important to you know that they are.
Please note that while the title of this work is titled "...Nutcase," I don't want you to think that I think her mental illness is funny. She refuses to get help for it, and for that I am sorry, for I think she is extremely intelligent and could do many great things. However, her sexual habits, tendency to lie, and her treatment of others cannot be blamed on her alternate personalities. She functioned perfectly normally for many years without acting this way; she acts this way now because she enjoys it. She enjoys manipulating and using people - people in her head, and people in the real world. If you ever happen to encounter her, treat her kindly, but don't let her too close to your life. She has chased away so many friends and made wrecks of several happy people. She is very intelligent, very beautiful, very charismatic, and very aware of how to use all three of those traits. Like the Billy Joel song says, "She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes, she can ruin your faith with her casual lies, and she only reveals what she wants you to see." (Yes, I am quite aware that the next lyrics are "She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me;" if you love this woman, the song is eerily appropriate)
Now that I've finally written this out, I have one last thing to do, to get closure on this part of my life. I need to write to Beth and apologize. I know that when we were about to break up, we were fighting a lot, and I said a lot of hurtful things. I want to apologize for that hurt, and let her know that I forgive her for the hurts that she caused me. Even if she can't forgive me the hurts that I caused, at least she can accept that I am truly sorry that they happened. Believe me, this really works ... there was one thing nagging me about a different relationship that soured, and writing this helped both of us. Try it. It can't rain all the time.